Me and the Words!!!

Hunky-dory, what is SIN? Did ever God appear in front of anyone and give him a lesson on SIN? I - as a spiritual leader - would tell - "it's conscience". Oops! Sorry! I didn't know that. Huh! I know what is it. Motivation deriving logically from ethical or moral principles that govern a person's thoughts and actions = conscientiousness. What is logical? What is ethical? What is moral? I know dictionary meanings. But I need veridical meaning. And here I am stuck again. Penalization, is it?

I remember my childhood. Another name for excruciation. Seemed painless to many. I had to hide all the time. Searched the corners, or darkness. 'No pain, no gain', pedagogy all the time. Suffering still. Don't know what's coming next. Is transfiguration possible? How to do it? Will catechetical instruction help? How to start? Why can I not be like others? Content, happy? What's stopping me anyway? Or, rather, who is stopping me? Will guttling marijuana cigarette help? They say they fly or go to heaven. How can that be possible? They have never flown nor have they seen heaven before. How can they compare? How or to what will I compare after taking it? I don't know. How do alcohol help? Don't know again. Is it a sign of being intellectually appealing or does it help to practice sophistry? How long can one run? One day he has to bring himself back home. So hard to understand sometime... every time!

How to be perfect, without defect or blemish, precisely accurate or exact, immaculate? Where does 'improvement' end? If knowledge doesn't end, where does wisdom come from? How can someone be wise with half knowledge if wisdom happened to be accumulated knowledge or erudition or enlightenment? Sapience - where to find?? Whom to ask??? What is smartness? Elegant and stylish! Who is going to say what's elegant or stylish or debonair? Who is the judge here? I am not. I have never been. Who is that then?

"A new day has come"
Celine Dion in her best. Convincing. Very convincing. Yes, very much needed for the mankind. Only a fool would say he doesn't need a 'new day'. I don't want to be a fool. But when is this 'new day' coming? how long do I have to wait? I want to go through a striking change. Will that help? Don't know, don't know, don't know! An ire. For what? It's a feeling that is oriented towards some real or supposed grievance. But I really don't have any. Than why is this choler? Or is it ‘a yellow bile’? A humor that was once believed to be secreted by the liver and to cause irritability and anger? Confusion; too much of it. I guess I am completely out of resources. In another word - evacuated. Where to find the vitamins? Am I going against authority? But who is my superior? 'The One' whom I can't see or hear? Yeah right! Try feeding grass to a lion!

See, being a 'Gemini', my other half actually trapped me in his words for quite some time now. It's where the story actually begins. Precisely. Let 'me' now try to start. It goes like this....."Once upon a time........". Just kidding. Ha ha ha.....!!! Not to worry. Its just alteration. Or so-called "Metamorphosis". A complete change by magic!

Jim Ankan Deka

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1 comment:

  1. Dear Jim,

    Thunderous appaulause for your
    honest self retrospective!! Needless to say, everytime we stop and look into our lives, our stories and histories,there are many questions that's best left unanswered. I had been a person, who had the habit of digging into the past and hurting myself, which I now realise makes no sense. Nothing can be derived out of it!!

    Inner-self conflicts exists within every individual, in one way or the other!! Doesn't have to be a gemini all the time. But,just as Celine Dion sings, "A New day has come" , indeed it has, believe me when I say that.It's just that there is no point in waiting for the New Day to arrive, every day is a new day. It's us, you, me and every individual... who can make the day special, make it meaningful or let it go vague. I'd like to borrow a quote from Mahatma Gandhi here, "Be the change you want to be!!"

    God bless!!